When Moving On Is The Only Thing You Can Do

After-break-up-quotes

Well, I’m recently single, as in, we broke up a week ago.

I didn’t think I would be writing a post like this anytime soon, or well, ever. But I am, and so here it is.

One day things were going fine, or at least I thought they were. But the next day, I’m getting told he doesn’t want to work on it, and doesn’t have the energy required to work on fixing the problems we’re having. Apparently, I’m causing all these problems, but I don’t honestly know what they are. All I know is, “I’m difficult to talk to”, “I’m not very flexible” and “You only see it from your point of view, you can’t put yourself in other people’s shoes.” So now, here I am single, yet still living with the man who said all these things. And to top it off still tells me he will always love me, but it isn’t enough for him to want to work things out or believe that I can change the way I’ve been acting.

We have a dog together, we moved across the entire country together to start our own life, and now, none of that seems to matter to him. He wants to “move forward.” Whatever that means.

I’ve been getting input from my parents and friends, and I know what I need to do. I need to kick him out, make him aware that he made this decision on his own, and now he has to live with the consequences. But I can’t do that. I still want to work things out, I don’t want to give up. I want him to realize that he’s so close minded on the idea that we’re miserable, that he can’t see that in the last week that I have changed. I have let him make the decisions for himself, I’m letting him do his thing, I’m not telling him to respect our property by reminding him every day to clean up after himself. I’m not telling him these things because like he said “it wouldn’t make a difference.” He’s right, when I did ask him to do certain things, it hardly ever happened, and we just turned into the miserable couple that I was too blind to see.

A month ago I was still imagining our wedding day, and what it would be like to start a family together. Why? Because, we’ve dated for a year and a half and had talked about planning trips, and even about how many kids we would want, and even jokingly talked about those kids names. That is probably a big reason for why I still don’t want to move on.

So even though I’m not giving up completely, I know he clearly just doesn’t see the point in trying. But the funny thing is, I realized all we had to do was let go of the issues, big and small. We need to move on from them instead of keeping tabs on who did what, and talking about them instead of letting them sit there and fester. But he’s not willing to talk, it’s who he is, and I have come to accept that part of him. Most guys won’t open up, so you learn how to handle that part of them and live with it and figure out how to get them to where it will be comfortable.

So I’m sitting here typing this up trying to come up with the courage to tell him he has probably 2 weeks to figure everything out and get out or else make the decision to work on things, but I already know thats not going to happen.

So even though I don’t want to, and I still can’t picture myself with anyone else right now, moving on is the only thing I can do.

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3 thoughts on “When Moving On Is The Only Thing You Can Do

  1. Whoa. WHOAAA. Hold up. He is telling you point blank what kind of person he is without deception and lies, and you still want to put yourself through the misery of compromising what you want and who you are to make it work with a person who doesn’t want to work on it with you, but still wants the luxury and convenience of living with you because he can’t get off his ass to find his own place and pay his own bills???

    I know it is hard. i know it is impossibly, brutally hard. i know you would rather pour acid into your eyes than accept the fact that this is 100% over, but I promise you this:

    You will be so grateful someday that he removed himself now, Before you had to deal with him for the rest of your life once kids were brought into the picture. BOY did you dodge a deadly bullet with that one. You can break clean and walk away and go back to finding who you really are and what you really want without some asshole who doesn’t clean up after himself (and doesn’t like to be told to clean up after himself) drags your ass down even more?? Honey – he gave you a GIFT. Take that gift and enjoy it.

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  2. Man this is brutal. I am so sorry. I’m a little shocked that he broke up without you without having a move out plan. I guess I’ve never had to deal with this since I never lived with my boyfriends (married now). That sounds like a horrible situation! My heart just feels for you right now.

    I’m glad you realize that you need to move on though. You deserve someone who wants to be with you.

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    1. Thanks, It’s not been easy, but I’ve done this before, except we weren’t living together, so this time is making it way more difficult than the last because the other one never told me he loved me, so I at least was less connected in that way.

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