Handling Life While In Grad School

I’m attempting to figure out how to handle both my personal and professional life while in grad school, and in the beginning it was easy, but now not so much. I’m starting an internship for school in the fall, and have recently joined not one but two Panhellenic delegate committees. Why? Because my friend from undergrad convinced me it would be a good idea, and yes I think it will be. Once I get enough time to wrap my head around the fact that I’m now having to transition from my comfortable lifestyle that I’ve been used to for almost a year now here in San Diego.

I’m figuring out how to handle the fact that I’m now single, I’m also learning how to handle the stresses of work and school, while still attempting to be productive enough to get the two papers I have due in the next 7-10 days done and without loosing too much focus.

I’ve gotten too comfortable. I tried not to see the inevitable (my break up), and I tried to think positive and believe that nothing would be changing dramatically in my life. I don’t like changes, even when I was younger it threw me off when my mother would paint a room a different color or even buy a new piece of furniture. I like things to stay steady, and this of course is the period of my life in which things will never stay as consistent as I would like. So here I am, trying to figure out how to handle all of these changes going on in my life, and fighting to keep enough concentration on my paper that is due in about a week.

Instead, I’ve now facetimed one of my friends for over an hour, made dinner, looked at new apartment options, and scrolled through Facebook.

I’m trying to act like I have my life together. I must say a lot of people don’t know what’s going on, clearly, because in public I try to make sure I appear to have it all together. When, in reality, I’m still crying when I get home, I’m not able to focus on even one article for longer than five minutes, and I have asked myself the same eight questions about this paper I should be working on right now and yet I’m getting no answers, or so it feels that way.

Life gets difficult, but I’ve always been reminded things could be worse, and it’s true, they could be much worse. So for now I’m going to focus on this paper and try to get as much done as I can.

-N

 

Going Back To Reality

Okay, so my last post covered what I’ve been dealing with for about two weeks now, and so since last week was my Spring Break, I am finally having to deal with the fact that I can no longer use my break up as a crutch, and need to get back to focusing on work and school.

I can’t lie, having last week off from work and school was the best thing I could have done.

So in the next two weeks I have two pretty good-sized papers to start and type up. Grad school doesn’t stop when life gets hard. Even though I’d love to curl up in bed for the rest of the semester and ignore being a grown up, I can’t. I have to head to Starbucks to get going on these papers, because doing them in my own apartment isn’t going to happen when all I can think about is the fact that I’m no longer dating the person who’s still living here. (Thankfully he’s sleeping on the couch, and shouldn’t be here much longer)

I have a vignette analysis on a social work topic that is actually pretty relatable. It’s about a social worker who works for an adoption agency, and they themselves were adopted. Now I myself was adopted, and yes, I’m going into the field of social work, so yeah, I can relate to this paper pretty well in many ways. This vignette though talks about how the family (aunt and uncle) doesn’t want to tell the young girl she’s being adopted, which ohhh personally, I would be so mad if someone wasn’t telling me the truth from the start.

Anyways, I have to get going back to reality, and actually work on this analysis paper, yay… I just need to focus on one thing at a time, and maybe I’ll be okay. That and I need a very large coffee. Thank god someone just recently gave me a Starbucks gift card.

Until next time.

-N

 

When Moving On Is The Only Thing You Can Do

After-break-up-quotes

Well, I’m recently single, as in, we broke up a week ago.

I didn’t think I would be writing a post like this anytime soon, or well, ever. But I am, and so here it is.

One day things were going fine, or at least I thought they were. But the next day, I’m getting told he doesn’t want to work on it, and doesn’t have the energy required to work on fixing the problems we’re having. Apparently, I’m causing all these problems, but I don’t honestly know what they are. All I know is, “I’m difficult to talk to”, “I’m not very flexible” and “You only see it from your point of view, you can’t put yourself in other people’s shoes.” So now, here I am single, yet still living with the man who said all these things. And to top it off still tells me he will always love me, but it isn’t enough for him to want to work things out or believe that I can change the way I’ve been acting.

We have a dog together, we moved across the entire country together to start our own life, and now, none of that seems to matter to him. He wants to “move forward.” Whatever that means.

I’ve been getting input from my parents and friends, and I know what I need to do. I need to kick him out, make him aware that he made this decision on his own, and now he has to live with the consequences. But I can’t do that. I still want to work things out, I don’t want to give up. I want him to realize that he’s so close minded on the idea that we’re miserable, that he can’t see that in the last week that I have changed. I have let him make the decisions for himself, I’m letting him do his thing, I’m not telling him to respect our property by reminding him every day to clean up after himself. I’m not telling him these things because like he said “it wouldn’t make a difference.” He’s right, when I did ask him to do certain things, it hardly ever happened, and we just turned into the miserable couple that I was too blind to see.

A month ago I was still imagining our wedding day, and what it would be like to start a family together. Why? Because, we’ve dated for a year and a half and had talked about planning trips, and even about how many kids we would want, and even jokingly talked about those kids names. That is probably a big reason for why I still don’t want to move on.

So even though I’m not giving up completely, I know he clearly just doesn’t see the point in trying. But the funny thing is, I realized all we had to do was let go of the issues, big and small. We need to move on from them instead of keeping tabs on who did what, and talking about them instead of letting them sit there and fester. But he’s not willing to talk, it’s who he is, and I have come to accept that part of him. Most guys won’t open up, so you learn how to handle that part of them and live with it and figure out how to get them to where it will be comfortable.

So I’m sitting here typing this up trying to come up with the courage to tell him he has probably 2 weeks to figure everything out and get out or else make the decision to work on things, but I already know thats not going to happen.

So even though I don’t want to, and I still can’t picture myself with anyone else right now, moving on is the only thing I can do.

When The Barista At Starbucks Know Me A Little Too Well…

So I live a half a mile from Starbucks, so naturally I go there, a good amount. Depending on the week I’ve had it’s almost every day.
The only way I save myself money is by ordering K-cups from Keurig. Seriously, It’s a life saver.

Today I walk in after a shitty day and the newer girl asks me “what would you like today” and one of the two regular barista’s walks behind her and says “coffee, duh”.. Which, he was right I really needed one. But I told him “the next time I come in here, I won’t order a coffee just to throw you off your game.”

Of course, tomorrow being Wednesday, I probably can’t follow through on that promise I made because my 9 am session with the 2.5 year old kiddo I see every Wednesday requires me to be alive and functioning, so naturally caffeine will help assist in that. Maybe if I stop by later in the day I’ll order a passion iced tea lemonade with three pumps of raspberry, another regular of mine when I don’t require coffee to do the talking, the doing, and the everything else, like being a functioning person.

So yeah, I may go to that particular Starbucks a lot, but its right on my way to the high way when I head to work and school, so why wouldn’t I? Plus, one of the baristas knows my name too…

Procrastination Never Stops

So while I’m supposed to be getting my articles read for an annotated bibliography due this coming Tuesday, instead, I’m here writing this post.

Truth is, once you learn the art of procrastination, it never stops. I mean, ever since middle school I found ways to evade my homework until the last possible moment. Grad school is no exception.

Today, I face timed my friend from back home, and that of course lasted over an hour, so once we hung up I decided if I got out of the house to work on researching for articles, I might get something done with my life today. And, thats when the lie began.
I got myself and my dog ready to head to Starbucks and off we went. Ended up chatting with the barista of course, and found a table outside to sit at. Of course multiple distractions occurred, such as, the old men who go to that Starbucks everyday saying hi to me, the man sitting next to me made a comment about Stella ( my dog), as well as having multiple people stop and stare at her and comment “your dog is adorable”, so naturally it took me almost an hour to find four articles.

Now here I am at home back on my couch, because it’s getting to cold to sit outside, writing a blog post instead of analyzing the articles I found.
No matter how many years of schooling you have, you will never avoid the procrastination phase, trust me. I have found a way to work with the continuous phase instead of fighting it, that is, to have it work in your favor instead of against you. I usually will cook food or do some other reading or clean the apartment, but of course I also love to peruse Facebook and Twitter, and find myself staying distracted for hours at a time.
Lately I’ve been telling myself, one article must be read and notes taken before you can turn on Netflix again. It’s tough to follow, but I’m working on it, I swear.

It’s a tough phase to get over, but like I said, work with it instead of against it and it might make your life easier.

Grad School Has Become Real Life

I had my practicum interview for grad school last week. All I have to say is, I got super lucky with where they are placing me.
The people I’m going to work under seem really hard working and passionate when it comes to helping the students in their district.

A quick background for you: I’ve always worked with kids, whether it be in a barn or a school setting, I absolutely love it. Lately it’s been more stressful than not due to working with children on the spectrum, but I will admit I’ve learned a lot about myself as well as the kids.

I enjoy the challenge this new job has brought me, and connected to this challenge is working as a part time student in a Masters of Social Work Program. My parents were right (shh.. don’t tell them I admitted it) when they said school is a full time job. Even though I’m in the part-time program, I’m constantly thinking about what has to be done, and working towards doing my best. Given the opportunity to work in a school setting again is exciting for me. My previous experiences have been joyful, and I’m hoping with my higher level of education I can assist those I’ll be working with to better the counseling programs available.

Grad school has taught me how to better organize my time, how to focus on the task at hand, as well as teaching me that I do actually remember some things from undergrad (a shocker, I know). This program is going to last for two more years, so I need to make the best of it.